????Tan Yifan ????cicitan2011@gmail.com ????XU JINGRU, like many cartoonists, thinks most of her readers are more familiar with her work than her name. ????Partially impelled by this thought and mostly encouraged by the instinct of a painter — the desire to voice herself through her work — Xu secretly left her name and the started and finished dates on her 54-meter-long and 4.4-meter-high cartoon “Drawing Shenzhen,” which is a large, illustrated map of the city displayed in the new terminal at Shenzhen International Airport. ????Some critics say the 23-day work was a new, eye-catching “name card” for the city, one in which Xu painted every physical aspect of the city and eternalized moments of her and her friends lingering at some of the city’s scenic spots. But in the eyes of Xu, it is just a small achievement for her, except for the size — that’s huge. ????“I was lucky to be chosen as the artist for such a project. Somehow, I fit all the prerequisites for the assignment — a local illustrator who has won some International awards and could record the changes of the city,” Xu said. “But drawing on such a long banner or making cartoons is no longer the focus of my career. I am more inclined to draw picture books and discuss the psychological aspects of painting.” ????One of the first ????local illustrators ????Xu developed the habit of sketching daily in her childhood. But it was when she found a temporary job as an artist in a local animation company that she began to edge into the business of illustration. ????“I came to Shenzhen after high school, around 1994. It was a booming time in the local cartoon industry,” Xu said. “I was introduced to a small firm and learned how to make static pictures into animated ones.” ????“I learned the law of movement for six months. I witnessed many strikes by my colleagues for higher payments, but they all earned far more than 10,000 yuan (US$1,601) per month at that time. A few months later, the firm closed down. As a beginner, I wasn’t able to find a new employer. I then realized that I needed to receive some professional training,” Xu said. ????She went back to her hometown in the northeast and enrolled in Harbin Normal University to learn decorative painting. ????With a few small accomplishments, Xu traveled back to Shenzhen after graduation and set up her own workshop. ????Soon, though, Xu felt tired and less inspired and was looking for a breakthrough. ????From cartoons to ????picture books ????“I was extremely busy and exhausted from the business orders in hand. I always slept on the bus and would miss my stop,” Xu said. “I then asked myself, what was I working for?” ????One day, a friend of Xu handed a picture book to her. While turning the pages, Xu realized that she had found the path she was longing for. ????“It was a book drawn by Jimi [a renowned Taiwanese illustrator, also known as Jimmy Liao]. When I opened it, I heard a voice screaming inside of me, ‘This is what you really want to do,’” Xu said. “I went to a bookstore and bought all of Jimi’s picture books.” ????Xu refused all other business invitations and put her heart into drawing her first picture book. ????“I quit my job and spent two whole years in my small apartment drawing picture by picture,” Xu said. “I thought, why not just stop and fulfill my own dreams? I could earn a lot by drawing illustrations for my clients, but at the end of the day, I might regret not doing the right thing for myself.” ????Xu finished four books between 2002 and 2004. Her first book was “The Proof of Being Young,” which had many surreal elements. Her book “Looking for the Dreamland” and “Recalling on My 70s” are very popular and have earned her several awards. ????“Thanks to Jimi, I have changed my hobby into a more serious career. More importantly, I realized that I can actually put off other plans and start to accomplish my dreams right away,” Xu said. ????Healing a broken heart ????In the process of drawing her own picture books, Xu sensed some changes with her emotions and was able to look deeper into her own soul. ????“I didn’t realize that painting was gradually changing my personality until recently, when I went back and looked at all the illustrations I have drawn,” Xu said. ????“The colors in my books have become lighter, and the characters I have drawn in my most recent books are clearer and are no longer missing arms and legs,” Xu explained. ????Xu said that her older books are all very dark in color, usually blue, and their main tone is sentimental. But in “Recalling on My 70s,” her latest book, all the characters are joyful and the scenarios are happy moments from her childhood. ????“I was surprised by such an interesting change,” she said. “I felt cured of my illness during the process of drawing.” ????“I suffered from depression since I was 16 years old. I didn’t know it was depression, of course, until I grew older. I constantly felt sad and always wanted to kill myself,” Xu said. “When I was occupied with work, I forgot to feel sad, but once I was alone again, the deep blue feelings immediately came back.” ????Xu read books on psychology and was reassured that painting can heal a sad heart. ????A chance to try this kind of therapy came to her from her friend, a famed local painter, Yang Meihong. She invited her to teach kids drawing at the Children’s Palace. ????Xu began to help a group of mentally disabled children learn to paint. When a child with autism seemingly predicted a tsunami in Japan, Xu began to pay attention to the children’s mental activity when drawing. ????“I once led the kids on a tour of Japan. When we came back, the students were asked to draw memories of the trip. All the kids drew happy memories, except one; he drew a disaster,” Xu said. “Three months later, when I read about a big tsunami hitting Japan, I saw a photo just like what the kid had drawn. It was then that I realized how subconscious thoughts can appear in a painting.” ????Xu shared the story with the parents and some professionals and started to research psychological education in painting. ????“Painting can kill the negative thoughts in our minds, and I want to draw a book telling people about the mysteries of painting,” Xu added. ????“I didn’t realize that painting was gradually changing my personality until recently, when I went back and looked at all the illustrations I have drawn.” ????— Xu Jingru,a cartoonist | 